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What If He Doesn’t Grow Up?

By Trevor E Smith Posted: May 5, 2014


What If He Doesn't Grow Up?

Women mature more quickly than men.

There may be more controversy about the statement that women take their responsibilities more seriously than men.

My friend was exasperated. She had tried everything to make her marriage work but "he just would not grow up."

This is not a unique case.

There was also the high achieving executive who grew weary of having to pull along a spouse that would not act his age.

"I have children to take care of and guide. I don’t want to have the challenge of being married to another one."

People go through different phases in their lives. At various stages their needs and their outlook may change. As we get older and more mature our perspective changes. There is a tendency towards being somewhat more conservative and responsible.

Some men fail to make the transition at an appropriate pace. This produces friction with a wife that has clarity of purpose and is eager to move forward.

Home again!

One frustrating recurring situation involved a husband who would leave seemingly good jobs for no good reason. The frivolous reason meant that the household would be denied his income until he landed a new job. And the beat goes on…."Home again. I am home again"

3rd Grade Time warp

Then there was the guy who was stuck in the time warp of playing 3rd grade pranks and communicating at that level. His wife was embarrassed to be with him around her friends. She hosted a tight networking group that did their equivalent of a Mastermind Group. They shared their goals, progress and challenges and motivated each other to higher levels of achievement. The childish clowning of her husband stuck out like a sore thumb.

"Will you grow up, PLEASE!"

Don Juan-abe

What about wannabe Don Juan, who is seeking to turn back the years by pursuing amorous relationships with girls who are younger than his children.

"You who cannot take care of your responsibilities at home – in the widest sense – are seeking to take on more? Get real! Why don’t you grow up?"

Blissful contentment

This is the situation in which the wife is constantly upgrading her resume and her skills. She has completed her first degree and is now pursuing her Masters. She reads a lot and is very well informed.

Dear Blissful on the other hand spends his time watching any and every sporting event. He is glued to the couch in front of the TV.

No amount of prodding can get him to commit to and stay in any personal development course.

This is a later years’ reprise of "Junior turn off the TV and go and do your homework."

"Will you ever grow up?"


Fatal trap

It is interesting to note that there were early warning signs that some of these traits would show up later.

That is why it is so critical that you take time to make the right choices if your relationship is to last.

One question that needs to be answered in your mind is whether this guy is likely to grow up and mature along with you.

Some females are led astray by their mothering instincts. They enter a long term relationship playing the role of mother versus partner. After a while, that role becomes stale and the relationship falls apart.

If you choose to share your life with someone markedly less mature than you are, you must answer the question "What if he doesn’t grow up?"

Wife or mother – that is choice before you.


About the Author
Trevor ES Smith is an author and people skills and performance enhancement specialist with the Success with People Academy. He is a hands-on practitioner in the areas of Inter-personal relations, Marketing, Sales, HR and Management processes.

He presents unique perspectives on inter-personal relationships, leadership, team building, customer service, technology and time mastery.